New Year’s resolutions made 3. New Year’s resolutions broken 3. So we’re back to square one and the year is not even a week old.
I don’t know how many of you vowed to stop throwing toast at Jehovah’s Witnesses this year, maybe it was just me, but I broke that resolution within minutes of making it.
So to the poor gentleman who stood bemused on my Brooklyn stoop staring at the burnt bread that had just bounced off his chest – I apologise. But it was early, I wasn’t feeling well, the toast was ruined and the coffee boiled dry. And it was your fault I had to answer the door and not concentrate on the job in hand. But however deluded you may be, you didn’t deserve a dough-based breakfast snack thrown at you. I’m sorry, I’ll do better next year. Apparently religious intolerance can cause wars. Apparently.
If anyone wants the copy of Watchtower I later found on the steps – it’s available. I keep it next to the Book of Mormon I stole from a hotel in Utah, the Gideon’s bible I have from Korea, and the Dead Sea Scrolls I have in tupperware in my fridge.
And so the year begins. Chaos in the Middle East, Russia threatening gas supplies to Europe, the economy showing no signs of revival and no one seemingly in charge of anything. Honestly, you go away on tour, then have a couple of months off in New York and all hell breaks loose. It’s about time I came back and sorted this lot out.
First resolution :stop throwing toast at Jehovah’s Witnesses. Hmmmm, interesting...
ReplyDeleteFirst resolution of this poor Jehovah's witness : never come back on Tom's doormat ;)
Can I ask you what are the two others broken resolutions of year 2009?
Dead Sea Scrolls in your fridge...Okay, that's puzzling. Is it the same fridge that talked to you last year?
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should get help..
ReplyDeleteOut of curiosity, would they have deserved a non-dough-based snack to be hurled in their direction? Maybe a handful of dry cereal? The bit you scoop out of the top of a soft boiled egg perhaps? Or maybe just a previously-left copy of the watchtower; that's practically recycling...
ReplyDeleteThanks for putting a smile upon my face.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely - please come back and sort it all out. Start in Glasgow.
ReplyDeleteAnd - whew - was so worried that you were serious about stopping blogging - or is that one of the other resolutions you broke?
i'm loving the ramblings ;-)
ReplyDeleteplease come back, i think leeds or east yorkshire need sorting first
Glad to read that you haven't lost your unstable self. I thought for a moment back there that you were really starting to get happy,when you spoke about love & romance the other day.
ReplyDeleteGood to have the Tom back we used to know.
Now get your ass back to Europe!!
Glad you're back Tom. We need some cheering up now that we're back to work.
ReplyDeleteI'm with the 'get your ass back to Europe' school of thought, reading your ramblings is cheering, but not the same as being in a crowded room with you on stage - I think my brains drying out for lack of live McRae!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that New York is giving you some serious back problems ..... let's hope that Brooklyn stoop rectifies itself soon !!!!
ReplyDeleteTom - Please come to Malaysia and save us from Sting, Aguilera, Norah (not even sure she's played, but then who cares, right?), Gwen and that muppet Daughtry (I think I'm gonna retch just typing that). Cheers ...and I didn't mention Derby once. Doh!
ReplyDeleteTom, your read list strikes me as interesting: many books are on my greatest read list (Underworld, The Road...). So, you got me curious about Exit Ghost. I wish to recommend you Little, Big and, maybe better still for your style, the AEgypt quartet by John Crowley.
ReplyDeleteWaiting for you to make another concert in France... (even if I know it wasn't your fault... ;)
....oh! So it wasn't you who stole my copy of "How To Survive Doing A Singer/Songwriter's Melancholic Tour Of Post-Celtic Tiger Ireland"? Shit! That bloody Jamie Lawson bastard, I'll kill him. Actually hang on, I think that's him at the door..... Hell no, this dude's booted & suited and, and, there's two of 'em. Quick, put some more bread in the toaster!
ReplyDelete