ASK TOM #5

Hey!
This is going to be a strange question; of this I am aware.
So would you rather pull all of your veins out with tweezers, interview Madonna-in her fake British accent, no less-about hungry cats, be forced to vote for John McCain, or put up shelves?
Just curious...

There was a cartoon in a recent New York paper of Madonna asking her lawyer about her divorce settlement, with the caption: "Do I get to keep the accent?". Made me chuckle. This is one of many Madonna themed questions recently. Years ago, when I was full of piss and vinegar and moral fury, I would have ranted about Madonna being culturally toxic, a vapid role model for empty ambition that has fuelled a misguided generation of young women who believed she represented power, liberation, sexual equality and spiritual enlightenment. Now I don't really care. I take this position as I believe it would hurt her the most, to have someone be not outraged by her, not fascinated by her, just bored. Having said that, I picked this question to answer, somewhat trampling my own point in the process. I can only hope that soon Lourdes will move back to New York and cement a proper accent, as I fear that being raised by Guy and Madge will leave her sounding like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins.

So, to the answer. What was the question again? Er... I'll interview Madonna. The first option is painful and dangerous, as is the third and fourth. If McCain wins however, I will gladly pull my veins out with tweezers.

Tom