So - after desperately figuring out how I could fund the Malawi trip to play at the Lake of Stars Festival - it turns out at the last minute to not be possible. Damn this economic crisis, stopping me in my bid to become the next Bob Geldof, or more likely, Peaches. Ah well, these things happen, and it was nice to be asked. There's always next year, as Liverpool fans tell themselves, usually in a few weeks time (you know, I don't hate Liverpool, I respect them and admire Benitez, but if it wasn't for the hate emails I'd never have contact with another human).
I sublimate my heartbreak by contributing several metric tonnes of CO2 to global warming and jetting off to New York to prepare for the tour. I then sublimate my environmental guilt into... let's face it, a large whisky, and the promise to help build the sea defenses around the city when the need (and water) arises. But of course I do actually worry about flying too much, and touring in a bus too much, and about not recycling hummus tubs which are just too tedious to rinse out...(CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SHEER TONNAGE OF ORGANIC VEGAN HUMMUS TUBS THAT CHRIS AND GWYNNY HAVE TO RINSE OUT A WEEK? WHY AM I SHOUTING?) but I've yet to hear a coherent plan to tackle the real issues. And if the leaders of the world can't control (or save) the economy, then what hope the planet? Ah,Tom, it's better to light a candle than to sit and curse the darkness, although I suspect that lighting candles is probably a major cause of the planet overheating, so I've resolved to not celebrate my next birthday - which would be an awful lot of burning wax - and I will instead sit and make a wish as I try to blow out a low energy bulb provided free of charge by my energy company. Thanks for that EDF - a free bulb from you is a bit like being fucked up the arse and offered a cup of tea at the same time, one does resolutely not make up for the other. At least not in any prisons I've visited recently. Although maybe Yorkshire Gold at a push, that's a damn fine cup of tea. (Anyone from Yorkshire Gold wishing to sponsor the next tour please contact the usual address - Yorkshire Gold, takes your mind off prison sex.)If the music fails there's always a career in advertising.
And I see the Forum's not working again... sorry. I don't know what's up... but it'll be fixed soon. That's really what I came on here to say, but ended up spewing forth more nonsense. The live album ships in week's time, and to those of you who have pre-ordered it, I would tell you exactly how much it means that you have, but that would embarrass us both, so I'll just quietly say 'thanks' and move on. Okay, I've just re-read this... what the fuck am I talking about? I should drink way less caffeine. I just woke up, hold none of this against me.