Wednesday, 21 January 2009

no#1 In an Infinite Series of Admissions of Failure of Manhood (not that manhood)

This Week: Cars.

I know some are red, some are other colours. I know a cello has to go in the front seat, and that all cab drivers like to talk, even when you're wearing headphones.

I know young men like fast cars, and that some people find Jeremy Clarkson amusing. I only find his ridiculous first name funny.

I know that when the Grand Prix is on I have no idea what is going on, or why anyone cares. It's about as much of a sport as ice dance.

I know I would like to pass my test and own a car so I can go fishing more often. I would not have a red one. Nor would I invite Jeremy Clarkson.

I feel not knowing anything about cars does not make me less of a man. Just a less mobile man.

I like travelling by bus. Ones with beds and kitchens and lounges in. Where no one snores.

I can but dream.

Next week: DIY, and how many singer-songwriters does it take to change a lightbulb?


  1. Jeremy Clarkson is a complete and utter numpty whose size 11s spend most of their time in his big gob, I'd think Jeremy Clarkson would be best suited driving a Noddy Car:-)
    I don't much like the name I was born with, it rhymes with "plain".......put them together and that was my nickname as a

  2. No it's not the fact that you don't know anything about cars that makes you less of a man

  3. Can you ride a horse? Some would think it's much more manly than all that silly car stuff.

    Do you know the French pejorative word "jérémiades"? It comes from the name Jeremy of course, probably because the Book of Lamentations, supposedly written by Jeremiah in the Bible. Lots of whining in it. I wonder if a Jeremy-named person would be prone to moaning. Nah there's no name-related determinism, isn't there? Thomas is a nice name though. At least it sounds really well to the medievalist I am.

    PS: I feel not owning a mobile phone does not make me less of a modern free woman.

  4. hey! where are your wise reflections on the inauguration? Did you have a good day? hope so.

    the secret of passing your driving test is to a) have your provisional b) be hundreds of miles from home c) be travelling with someone who has got flu - then you just have to drive home on the A roads, stopping every now and again for him to throw up, and by the time you get home, driving is a breeze.

    p.s. it was my honeymoon, by the way, and when we got home, I said "are you not going to carry me over the threshhold?" to which he replied "shut up" - but that part's not essential for passing your test.

  5. Most of the cute guys are initially called Jeremy. JC excluded.

    Motor racing has its uses.

    "Now, what would you do to try to brake in adverse weather conditions, such as icy/snowy/wet roads and you feel you're losing control of the car?" asked the driving instructor, with a slightly condescending tone, his gaze awaiting the sure-to-be wrong answer from his scatty air-headed student.

    "Try to pump the brakes?"

    With barely concealed shock, he spluttered, "Yes, that's right."

    Fortunate of me to have seen the footage of Michael Shumacher driving in that Grand Prix over the weekend, the learner driver thought with a relieved sigh.

    Best wishes :)

  6. Are you going to write about the other manhood next?! (sorry)

    Less of a real man? WHAT? how can masculinity be measured on a scale of 1-10 or whatever? It (the type of man one is) could be measured or estimated on a spectrum perhaps. I think we should all transcend notions of manhoodand womanhood to greater ideals of personhood. So ripping your heart out in front of tens, hundreds, thousands of people and singing about it makes you a great person, for example.

    Great story, Kaper, by the way!

  7. I have to admit that I love watching Top Gear and the ridiculous stunts the boys get up to. Clarkson is kind of a jerkface, but it's entertaining.

    Are you learning to drive in NYC? If so... you will certainly be prepared to drive anywhere else in the US, I imagine.

  8. Not only the name Jeremy is stupid about people with that same name..oh wait you actually have that name too..ah well just proves my point.

  9. i know that cellists shouldnt buy corsas - duh!

  10. when you are driving in fog, which there can be a lot of early in the morning near fishing creeks, make sure to use your low beam headlights and not your high beams!

    ....coming from someone who lives in LA and does not own a car (but passed her test at 16, of course)

  11. It takes 5 singer-songwriters to change a light bulb - one to hold it and four to turn the table he´s standing on around.

  12. I fear there's only a limited amount of bus-with-beds-and-kitchens-and-lounges-where-no-one-snores-licences.
    But owning one would do the manhoodtrick, I suppose.


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